Maya’s Wisdom on Death and Dying

It was a year ago at this time that this lovely lady, Maya, started her dying process. It alarmed me and took me to the edge of my capabilities at that time of witnessing pain and death in another being, so I euthanized her, not because she asked me to, but because I didn’t know what else to do. She has taught me so much since her death, and when I asked her today what she wanted me to say, here’s what came to me.

“We all live. We all die. Allow us to live. Allow us to die. You do not need to expedite our death. Our body already knows how to die. Let us have those dying moments. So much happens there that you cannot see, but only feel.

If we want something from you, we will let you know, but first you need to know what dying looks like and the natural shut-down process the body goes through. If we stop eating or drinking or start losing weight, we are preparing to go. If this is new to you, it can be alarming. It is easy for fear to take over. That is why it’s important to be educated on what dying looks like. Then you can distinguish between what is normal when dying, and what is us asking something of you.

When in doubt, observe, relax, breathe, feel and embrace what is happening. I know this is a tall order, but it’s where you can connect more deeply to us in our moment of passing from this world to the next. You do not need to fix it, nor make it go faster. It takes as long as it takes.

Some deaths are quiet and peaceful, others are dramatic with a lot of energy. A lot of energy does not automatically equate to being painful, but it can be disconcerting to the observer. If pain is involved, ask us how you can help. Do not assume we want you to euthanize us to get rid of the pain. All living beings are capable of feeling many emotions at the same time. Do not let pain blind you to all of who we are in that moment. We are multi-faceted and complex. We are more than just the experience of pain.

The biggest gift you can give us is to hold the space for our last moments on earth and listen to us. What we have to say may surprise you. You do not need to “figure anything out”, but rather, breathe, relax, feel and let nature take its course. It is called dying. It is normal. It is ok to witness it and allow it to happen. If we need something from you, we will tell you. Every being on earth will take this journey at the end of their life. Let us too.”

Off Leash Horses?

I had the most amazing experience with a dog owner taking his dogs on an hour-long walk through the neighborhood and countryside, completely off leash.  He never called or yelled their names.  If there was ever danger, it was simply a quiet whistle and the dogs were back.  Once the danger was passed, the dogs were back to exploring and being dogs.  To my delight, the dogs didn’t care about me.  There were busy exploring their environment.

This experience got me thinking about “off leash” walks with horses.  Why not?

For the past several years, I’ve experimented with finding place on the walks with my horses where I felt comfortable putting the lead rope over their back, or letting them graze a particular spot, or letting them initiate on when to turn around and walk back home.  Over time I began to see their patterns:  where they liked to go, where they liked to stop, what neighboring horses they wanted to visit.

A few years ago I noticed for the first time that my horse would position himself so I was on the wrong side of his head to put on his halter before we would go for a walk.  Rather than correct him, I stopped and observed.  It was in that observation one day when it hit me, “You want to go out without a halter!”

My gosh, how long had he been trying to get through to me?  Lucky for him, he did.  Then I thought to myself, “What can I do to let him know that I heard him?”  Rather than put the halter on, I decided to let him out into the yard without one, and we’d take a walk at another time.

Fast forward a few years, now we regularly take walks down a quiet road and trail “off leash”.  I put a halter on the lower ranking herd member and take her for a walk and leave the gate open so my horse can follow if he wishes.  Being a herd animal, he always wants to come.  Sometimes, he’ll delay and get a few more bites of grass and then come trotting or cantering to  catch up to us.  He’s even straddled a ditch for several minutes while eating the woodland buffet of plants before him before heading further down the trail.

The beginning of our “off leash” walk for the bay.

Holding the halter for me on his back – just in case I need it.

Recently a car came down our quiet road, and he was completely free, no halter or lead rope of any kind.  He was grazing on the shoulder, and I walked down the road toward him with a low, calm voice, letting him know everything is fine, and he could stay just where he was.  He turned his head and looked at me with relaxation right as the car was approaching and about to pass.  Every fiber in my body was completely relaxed and trusting of him, and every fiber in his body was the same.  Just after the car past, he resumed eating.  His energy never came up, but rather it was just a question from a calm place:  “Anything you need me to do?”  “Nope, just stay right where you are.”

Straddling a ditch sans halter and enjoying the plants.

It’s these interactions where he is completely free to do as he wishes that inspire me.  How much more is there to learn about being a horse from a horse if I can find more ways to stop doing what I’ve been taught and allow him to show me what he is capable of?  I never tire of this exploration of the wonders of how God made the horse.

They navigated this obstacle all on their own, picking the tree branch up with their heads and letting it slide down their backs.  Definitely sans halter for this so it wouldn’t get caught on the branch.

Former Cribber Can Eat an Apple and not Crib

Sans halter browsing the plants.

It’s been 11 years since I took in my first senior horse, Chaco, who cribbed 24/7.  At the time, I didn’t know if it was possible to “cure” cribbing.  Yet, instinctively I knew that his living environment and diet had something to do with why he cribbed.

In the past few years, his cribbing has ceased completely.  I don’t remember the last time he cribbed.  I also have never fed him treats of any kind, not even apples or carrots because they could trigger him to crib instantaneously.

Recently, one afternoon I let him out loose on the property, and when I went to bring him in, I found him hanging out under a tree.  It was a little out of the ordinary, so I went to see what he was up to.  To my surprise, he was helping himself to crab apples that had fallen on the ground.  They were quite small and bite size, and he could easily pick one up, and it would disappear into his mouth effortlessly.

I was so thrilled that he was healthy enough to handle eating an apple he found, and it didn’t cause him to crib.

Yes, it is possible to “cure” a cribbing horse.  Adjust the diet and living environment to more closely mimic the wild and the cribbing will disappear.  It doesn’t happen overnight, but it is a special moment, years later when the one thing that could get him to crib instantly no longer has any power.

While I have no intention of feeding him apples, I’m thrilled that he has found his own treats on occasion, and he can simply enjoy them.  It’s a wonderful day!

Cribbing Article from Horse Journal

This is the most comprehensive article I’ve ever read on the subject on why some horses crib and what can be done.  The Horse Journal ceased publications in 2014, so I’ve posted the article here in hopes that it can help others who have horses that crib.

This is my favorite quote from the article, “If you want the recipe to produce a cribber, it’s:  early weaning, a high concentrate/low forage diet, infrequent feedings, social isolation, and a stall environment.”

 

Mary’s Pasture – Artwork

Mary’s Pasture, original pastel by Kim McElroy

Mary’s Pasture

“In selfless service three horses give
Each day the price they pay to live
Until one day a woman came
And offered to take away their pain
In pastures green they recover awhile
While their hearts remember to smile
Until they are called to heaven on high
Where their soul remembers how to fly” –Kim McElroy

I have a lovely celebration to share. I commissioned equine artist, Kim McElroy to paint a portrait of the 3 senior horses I have rehabbed, Maya being the third. She just finished it, and it is beyond my wildest expectations. I love how she captured the relationship between Chaco and Maya, and then Thunder, the palomino “in the clouds” watching over, as he died 3 years ago. Working with her to create the portrait was a wonderful experience. Here it is, some words from Kim, and a few photos of her studio where she created it. Thank you, Kim. It is stunning!

Artist, Kim McElroy in her studio.

From the artist:

“Mary contacted me to have me create a portrait of an angel horse named Thunder whom she had rescued a few years before. He had spent 27 years as a 4-H lesson horse and a therapy horse, but had become unhappy in his work. As he recovered in Mary’s pasture with another horse named Chaco, he taught her many valuable lessons, including the joy of just being in nature. The co-facilitators of this lesson were two special moths which you will find hidden in the painting.

As Mary waited for her turn on my portrait waiting list, my husband became ill with cancer so her portrait was delayed. In the intervening years, she rescued another mare named Maya. Maya and Chaco instantly bonded, and for the short time that Maya lived she and Chaco created an earthly paradise together.

When Mary told me this story, I knew that all three horses had to be in the portrait, and when she showed me the photo of Maya and Chaco with the shadow on Chaco’s shoulder, I knew why. To me, the shadow is like the spirit of Thunder, present with his herd mates. Now Maya has joined him in spirit. Mary’s loving dedication has made this possible. Please support Mary’s non-profit www.SeniorHorseRehab.com.”

If you would like your own copy of the artwork, click here.

If you would like to commission artist, Kim McElroy to paint a portrait, click here.

All the pastel colors the Kim used to paint the portrait. Beautiful!

“Quality of Life” – Fact or Fiction?

“Quality of life” is another common phrase we all hear regarding end of life decisions for our animals. The idea is that when quality of life changes and is deemed poor then it is time to euthanize.

Here’s where this idea does not resonate with me. Determining “quality of life” is a judgment by the human about another being. When I judge I am operating from my personal experience, education, beliefs as a human. I close the door to any input that might give a different perspective, including the horse’s. Yet, when I rehab senior horses I’m always looking for ways to stop judging them and start listening to what they have to say.

Here’s another problem. Many times I hear of people deciding to euthanize their animal when they stop eating.  Who said the animal is unhappy? Stopping eating is simply the body in the process of shutting down. There’s no need to eat anymore to live if you are preparing to die.

What about the animal whose demeanor changes? Many times people decide to euthanize right there because the animal just doesn’t seem to be as happy. Is that the case, or perhaps the animal knows their death is approaching and they are allowing it and preparing for it? Sometimes in humans a few weeks before death their demeanor changes too. Their life force is simply getting ready to leave this world. That’s not a crisis that needs to be expedited. It’s simply a reality that animals know how to allow, and we can too.

Animals are so connected to the natural world, and death is the final chapter of life on earth for everyone, people and animals. What would happen if we allowed it when it approaches, when there’s nothing further we can do? It is in allowing death to occur that we are supporting the natural life of the animal to its very end. What a gift we can give them.

It is not easy, and takes tremendous courage as the caretaker to allow an animal autonomy in this very last chapter called death and dying.

I’m always looking for ways to give the senior horses in my care more autonomy. Maya really challenged me on how far I could go in allowing her autonomy. I went as far as I could at the time, and that is all we are ever asked to do. My question now becomes, how much more autonomy can I give the next horse now that I’ve learned even more?

Present Moment, Boundaries and Dying

I recently heard an interview with an animal communicator on the topic of “Peaceful Transition for Pets and Families”. She made such a clear and truthful statement about euthanasia to the effect of: people find it very hard to determine when to end their pet’s life.
 
When I heard that, I thought to myself, no wonder there is such a struggle. I can’t imagine contemplating that question. It is completely opposed to everything I believe as a human.
 
For me, in rehabbing senior horses that question never enters my mind. My entire focus is “How can I help you, the horse, to be fully alive today?”
 
Horses live in the present moment. They are masters. My goal is to be more like them. They don’t fret about the future and what might happen or not happen. When it actually arrives, then they deal with. Not before. That is how I kept my sanity during Maya’s 3 months of rehab.
 
Of all the senior horses I had rehabbed I knew there was a real possibility that her life would end with euthanasia simply because of all the medical intervention and management going on. However, I did not focus on trying to determine when I should end her life, but rather, I focused on the many holistic treatment options we had. Physically there were big challenges going on, and yet, emotionally she had such a bond with my other horse, no way was I ever going to cut that short by ending her life.
 
For three months on a daily basis we approached the present moment together. I’m not going lie. It became incredibly difficult. I cried often. At one point I handed it all over to God, I couldn’t do it on my own. Ironically the day after I did that the tide turned for the positive for about 2 weeks. Through all of this she was so content with her herd.
 
Then the day came that dying was now in the present moment. I didn’t need to go looking for it. It approached all on its own. Since it was now in the present moment, I would deal with it. At the time, I had no more tools that I was aware of to help Maya and her pain level was very high. The only tool the vet had was euthanasia. I had always thought there would be a way to make the animal comfortable, or at least take the edge off, and then they could die on their own, but that was not the case here. That was my line, and we reached it. In that present moment, I had clarity that it was ok to euthanize her.
 
Taking another being’s life still went against my values, so I began my research project on death, dying and pain management so my line for euthanasia could be even further away.
 
I share all of this because we all have our own boundaries based on our own values and beliefs. There is clarity at the boundary, and as we learn more that boundary can move.
 
One more time, I’d like to thank Maya. It was never my plan to be discussing this topic at such length, but that is where she has led me. For all of you with animals, let them lead the way. It is one incredible journey.

What about pain and dying?

In the flurry of activity of the past few days, I was asked the following question: “How do you respond when someone believes that as caretakers of animals we are responsible to ensure that the animal doesn’t suffer pain any longer than is absolutely necessary when death is inevitable?”

Here are my thoughts, and I share this not to make everyone think like me, but to simply offer the perspective I have come to through experience. I encourage everyone to search inside themselves for what resonates with them, even if it differs from me.

And here is the lovely lady who has given me the courage to speak my truth.  Thank you, Maya!

1. I don’t ever try to convince someone otherwise of their own beliefs. Instead, I educate myself on why something does not resonate with me.

It does not resonate with me that death is the solution to pain. Here are two of my favorite articles that speak to this: https://spiritsintransition.org/leaving-life-rhythm-nature/
https://guardianangelhospice.com/medical/the-last-few-days/. There are also additional resources on our resource page.

It is in the human world and hospice care that I found the most information about managing pain and dying. Hospice workers deal with it all the time and do not have the adverse reaction society typically does when it comes to animals, pain and death.

2. I can also say that my experience with Maya really was the worst of the worst pain experience while dying. There was no gray area. It was intense, and at the time, I did reach the limit of what I could handle, so I did euthanize her.

However, if I really listened to her she knew all hell was breaking loose, but she did not want to die. She just wanted me to show up and be. In fact, all of her surrounding herd members were simply holding space for her. No one was freaking out.

For humans, it’s the fear of pain, and the fear of witnessing pain that is a huge trigger. To actually have the courage to go into this area and not hold it away, and not make it go away by euthanizing immediately will reap a huge reward–the ability to truly listen and be present with another being in their moment of transition from this world to the next.

3. When it comes to rehabbing senior horses my only goal is to listen to them. What they say goes. My goal is not to “get rid of pain at all costs”. For some people their goal is “no pain”, and if that’s the primary goal, then I understand why they euthanize so quickly.

We are both operating from different value systems. In the end, we all do the best we can. My only purpose in sharing my experience is so that people know there are many ways to handle death and dying, and this is the way that resonates with me.

More Death and Dying Resources

Thank you to Jenny Pearce for posting this on her blog to reach even more people. Jenny has added some commentary and resources for help in dealing with death and dying. My favorite sentence she added is: “It’s my experience that death can be beautiful.” Thank you, Jenny.

Read on for more incredible insights.

 

The top 10 things Maya taught me about death and dying – A guest post

What’s Your Relationship With Pain?

Maya and her herd.

Thank you everyone to the tremendous response to my last post, The Top 10 Things I Learned about Death and Dying from Maya. What prompted my 6 month research project on death and dying in horses is that when Maya was dying, she did not at any time indicate to me that she wanted to die. In fact, it was the opposite. Her desire to live was so strong I had never witnessed anything like it. It completely contradicted everything I had ever heard about pain and horses, which was: If they were in pain then it was time to euthanize them. Maya clearly did not get that memo.

What I’ve realized is that we all, both humans and animals, have our own relationship with pain and how we handle it. Many times our own experience of pain gets projected onto the animal. Knowing ourselves, how we experience pain, and how we handle witnessing pain in others is so important. It allows us to separate ourselves from our animals. It let’s them be their own unique being with their own unique experience. When those boundaries are clear, we have a chance at beginning to understand what the animal has to say.

In the over 10 years I’ve spent rehabbing senior horses, the longer I do it, the more I realize that animals really do have their own thing going on in their own experience of the world. Discovering that world is what keeps me coming back for more.