Illness and Happiness: They can co-exist

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Maya and Chaco

Maya is ever the teacher. When I began rehabbing senior horses over 10 years ago it began with addressing physical needs, which in turn helped the emotional needs of the horse. I wasn’t as aware of the emotional needs of a horse when I first started, but each horse that came to me opened my eyes a little further to the emotional lives of horses. Soon the emotional well-being had equal value to their physical well-being when I went about rehabbing a senior horse.

With Maya, it strikes me, this juxtaposition: she was sick and she was happy. Those two things can co-exist. On a physical level, she deteriorated over the long-term. On an emotional level, she hit the jackpot when she became instant friends with my other senior horse.

I understand why people euthanize animals when they do, and why the previous owner was going to euthanize her. Taking care of a sick horse is no easy task, and that’s an understatement. I would never do it, unless I was called by God to do it. Then it’s all hands on deck, which was my experience with Maya. I couldn’t solve her physical health issues before she died, but I could give her an environment where she was happy.

In my ideal world I would be able to give her both emotional and physical well-being. But we don’t live in an ideal world. In fact, it can be rather messy at times. It’s in those moments of mess where I ask myself, what do I have to offer? All I had was myself and the little oasis for retired senior horses free to come and go as they pleased. For Maya, that is what she wanted. Her instant bond with my other horse, Chaco carried her right through to the end. On an emotional level for her, I couldn’t have planned it better myself.

Death and Dying in Wild Horses

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I find the behavior of wild horses regarding the death of their horse friends fascinating. There’s a wonderful facebook page called “Chasing Horses” that follows a herd of wild horses in the Dakotas.  Here’s an excerpt from a post about one of the wild horses (named Wind Canyon) that had injured himself, unable to stand.  Death was inevitable.  The park that manages the herd decided to euthanize him.  His body was removed from the park simply because if it became part of the food chain, the euthanasia drugs in his body could kill other animals.  While it’s understandable why this was done, there are also ramifications for the surviving wild horses, especially the one named Trooper, who was Wind Canyon’s friend. Here’s an excerpt from the post below.

“We did find the area where Wind Canyon last laid filled with piles of horse poop everywhere. My opinion, and again, just my opinion, this is Troopers way of letting Wind Canyon know, should he return to this area, that he has been there and is looking for him. Understand that Trooper doesn’t understand that Wind Canyon has been removed from the park. He just knows his buddy is missing. I did see a photo that someone took of Trooper today and you can clearly see that he is looking for his old buddy.”

George H.W. Bush’s Last Days

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12/2/18

My learning with the dying process continues. For me, coming into this world is sacred, and so is leaving it when we die. When I read this story about George Bush’s last days before his death on Friday, I thought to myself, this is what I wanted for Maya. All deaths are unique and the only thing we have total control over is our ability to be present with what is happening in the moment. Here is a beautifully written story on how one human named George Bush lived those final days before he died.
https://www.nytimes.com/…/pol…/george-hw-bush-last-days.html

The Grief Recovery Handbook

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Chaco and Maya

11/17/18

It has been a fascinating journey these past six weeks since Maya died, having many discussions about death and dying. What I found is that while I want to explore the topic and every nuance to it and think outside the box, people have different capacities to handle that conversation. I don’t force it, but rather look for who can engage with me in the conversation.

Years ago, when I experienced my first significant loss I was introduced to The Grief Recovery Handbook by John James and Russell Friedman. It has been instrumental for me in learning how to process grief whether it’s from losing a family member, a pet, or even the loss of a job or relationship. It has allowed me space to even want to take on the next senior horse, and not end up with a pile of unresolved grief from horse after horse dying.

What I realized about my other senior horse, Chaco, is that he is emotionally stable. He could handle being with Maya 24/7 in the weeks leading up to her death, and be fully aware that she was not well. He could handle her being in the dying process, just grazing in proximity to her but not hovering over her. When we moved Maya’s body the day after she died, he went out to her body and grazed close by. The next day when there was a significant stench, he still grazed in proximity to her body.

When I look at all of this, this is why I rehab senior horses, to see them fully alive, engaged with life and whatever comes their way, no matter how difficult. When I see what is possible in horses, it makes me want the same for myself. Thank you, Maya and Chaco. (Maya is on the right).

The Rest State and Dying

by
Maya

 

11/6/18

One of the things that bothered me about euthanizing Maya, was that she did not want to go. If I let her make the call, she would have died on her own. I’ve known many people who have euthanized their animals when the animal “told” them it was time. I had never heard of the opposite happening, until it happened with Maya.

In my research so far, what I’ve learned is that when she was in pain and no veterinary medication could help it, she was in the sympathetic nervous system state. That is the fight or flight.

Then I read about someone’s experience massaging above the eyes of a horse in a similar situation. She was able to slow the horse’s respiratory rate; the horse stopped thrashing around and closed his eyes. What I find fascinating about this is that she was able to help the horse move from the sympathetic to the parasympathetic nervous system (which is the rest state).

Thank you, Donna, for the tips about the acupressure points, and thank you Ellen for the suggestion of Lavender essential oil for a calming effect. What’s coming into focus for me is that while veterinary medicine could provide euthanasia, it could not provide the transition to the rest state in the dying process for Maya. What gives me hope is that through natural remedies that transition is possible.

Every death is unique and has its own set of circumstances, and there are no guarantees. Would I have still euthanized Maya? Perhaps. But I now have more tools to even try helping a horse to come to a rest state before they take their last breath.

From my martial arts training, it is in the rest state that there are a myriad of options that are not known to the rational brain. There is great hope there. Thank you, Maya, for allowing me to discover that.

Pain Management and Euthanasia

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Chaco and Maya

10/26/18

There’s a lot of information about the care and management of horses, however, when it comes to death and senior horses the primary word I stumble upon is euthanasia. I have always loved horses, but never wanted my own because I don’t kill things. I would enjoy other people’s horses, and as long as I never owned one, I’d never have to deal with euthanasia.

Then the first senior horse came needing help, and I knew I could help him. So for him, I decided I would deal with euthanasia if I had to. It’s been 10 years now, and he’s still thriving.

Then the next senior horse came a handful of years later. With him too, I knew I could help him. So I decided that for just him, I would deal with euthanasia if I had to. Just shy of his fourth anniversary in retirement, he just laid down one day and died an instant, painless death from a ruptured aortic aneurysm.

Then Maya came. Of all the horses I have ever helped, she had the most internal problems that would most likely take her life if we couldn’t solve them in time. Euthanasia was a real possibility, however, I had hope and there were treatments to try. So I decided to take her on, and deal with euthanasia if and when the time came.

When Maya became septic and was in respiratory failure the last morning she was alive, my hope was that there would be a way to make her comfortable in the dying process, like they do with people. I soon found out that there is no palliative care for horses in this situation. I’d have to be giving hard core drugs possibly every thirty minutes possibly through the night just to manage the pain. And then the pain meds could stop working, and I’d have to find other ones. I’m not opposed to being up all night with a horse in the process of dying if I can make them comfortable. However, since that was not possible, and she was in severe pain, I decided to euthanize her.

When I look back on this, I really wanted the last decision to be her decision, to let her determine when her last breath would be. Yes, she was in pain, and yet, she did not want to go. And up until this point, I let her make most of the decisions.

Given the information I had at the time, I’m ok with the decision to euthanize her. However, I wonder if there are alternative treatments to euthanasia to make an animal more comfortable in the dying process. Is there any kind of bodywork that could take the edge off? I know there is with lower levels of pain, however, this was debilitating pain. And as I write this I recall the plant “bleeding heart” that is used for debilitating pain. Are there herbal options for pain management when dying? In addition, I know how people view this kind of pain, but I wonder how animals do.

At this point there are more questions than answers, but I have Maya to thank for putting the death/dying/euthanasia topic on the table.

Being “With” Pain

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10/11/18

Someone told me once, you don’t necessarily have to fix the pain, and maybe you can’t fix the pain, but you can be present with someone in their pain, and that is a gift. A few days before Maya died when we were trying to figure out how to best help her, there came an evening where there was nothing more to do, but wait until morning. I gathered up all my tricks that I had learned over the years of rehabbing old horses and put them in my pockets. I headed out in the dark, the moon just beginning to rise, to find Maya in her usual spot under the trees, hanging out with my other horse who she became instant friends with. They were in very close proximity which told me that, yes, they are friends, and also that she was not feeling that great.

I pulled my tricks out of my pockets one by one to see which ones she wanted. She said yes to one lick of yucca, which is a pain relieving herb. She was agreeable to flower essences on the tips of her ears. She enjoyed the Ttouch wraps so much that she fell asleep. I did a little energy work, and then prayed over her. After a long time, when she was ready to go eat, she slowly meandered off. I was glad that she still had the energy to let me know when she didn’t want anything more.

That evening I couldn’t fix the myriad of health issues going on, but I could acknowledge her and be with her in her time of need. It is moments like these that I cherish.

If you are new to Ttouch wraps and flower essences, here are some resources:

Ttouch wraps: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgENe3frTfY
Flower essences: http://seniorhorserehab.com/flower-essences-and-grief-in-h…/

Ttouch for Colic

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10/7/18

At the beginning of the week Maya died, just after the vet diagnosed a mild gas colic I recalled that Ttouch had bodywork techniques that I could do with Maya to help her resolve the colic.

I came out one evening after work. It was dark, and I walked into the field to see where I might find the horses. Before I got very far, my other horse came and found me, parked and asked to be itched. I itched away, and when I looked up, there was Maya waiting right behind him.

I eventually made my way to her, and did the belly lifts with the towel described in the article below. She relaxed and cocked a hind leg. After a long time, when she had gotten what she wanted, she wandered off back into the field, the moon having just risen. I was glad that there was something I could do to help her feel better.

http://www.intouchwithyourhorse.com/resources/TTouch%20tools%20for%20Colic.pdf

 

What Maya’s Rehab Looked Like

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10/5/18

Of all the senior horses I’ve rehabbed, Maya is the first one who had significant internal issues involving the organs, namely the kidney. As I look back, it was a race against time. The good news is that with chiropractic care alone, we did see a change in urination. Before she spiked her first fever 2 months in, she was having what I call “medium urinations” with some regularity a few weeks before, whereas when she first came it had been a dribble. And we later found out that her uterus was no longer full of urine. That was cause for celebration.

Meanwhile, about one month in I found a homeopathic/Chinese medicine vet who gave me the most hope in perhaps solving the urinary incontinence/kidney issue. She said there were numerous remedies in homeopathy, and six different Chinese herbs for treating the urinary incontinence. I was thrilled, to say the least, that there were at least options available to help Maya, when western medicine had none.

Unfortunately, we were only able to scratch the surface on the available treatments before Maya was on and off antibiotics trying to treat the recurring infections to keep her stable enough to even try the homeopathy and Chinese herbs.

In addition, in holistic rehab, knowing the patient is paramount to selecting the appropriate treatment. When Maya came, I did not know her at all. There was a moment early on when I realized, I need to really know you, so I can help you, and ultimately, you will die in my care, and that may be sooner than later.

Chaco and Maya

I wanted to know her for who she was at her core, not for what she could do for me, and with no expectations from me. I let her make most of the decisions, even when it contradicted my training. Without a doubt, I listened to her voice in ways I’ve never done with any other horse. Letting her tell me what she needed was the best way to navigate the tight rope we were walking.

Horses are also masters at hiding their pain, so just figuring out there is a problem and how significant it is, can be challenging. Hindsight is often 20/20 vision.

In the end, I would do it again, simply because Maya had several weeks of freedom to just be a horse with horse friends and no human expectations. I know she was very happy having met her new best friend, my other horse, Chaco. And she died in the most natural of environments I could give her: outside with her herd.

Maya and Chaco-a special friendship

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10/4/18

My first senior horse rehab case, Chaco’s, 10-year anniversary with me was the week before Maya died. Over the 10 years he has outlived four other horses that had been a part of his herd at one time or another. He has maintained his position as one of the fairest herd leaders I’ve ever seen. He is also the first horse to teach me about how horses process grief.

His relationship with Maya was special. When they first met 3 months ago, he was so curious across the fence line. Maya grazed just outside of his reach, but clearly had her eye and ear on him. Chaco had both his eyes and ears on her, hoping she’d come closer.

A few hours later, I let them out together in the several acre field. To my surprise, there were no herd dynamics, no dominance gestures on either of their parts, no nothing, just curiosity about each other. Within a few hours they were grazing side by side. It wasn’t until 3 days later that I saw the first ear pin. They were grazing in close proximity, and then Chaco nonchalantly ambled over closer to her as he slowly laid his ears back, asking her to move a little. Maya responded by taking one step away from him while she continued to graze. Completely satisfied with that response, Chaco brought his ears back up and just grazed next to her. It was then that I knew she was number two in the pecking order, and yet Chaco also gave her tremendous leeway, far beyond anything he had done with any other horse. On more than one occasion I saw Chaco go around her, rather than ask her to move for him.

Chaco and Maya

In the days leading up to Maya’s death, Chaco was often side by side with her. When she was in the process of dying, he was grazing in proximity, eye and ear on her. When the vet and I made the decision to euthanize her, the vet went up to her truck to get her supplies. Chaco and the other mare in the herd followed the vet all the way up to the gate.

The following day we needed to move Maya’s body to be picked up. When we went to get the tractor to do the job, Chaco immediately walked all the way out to Maya’s body and started grazing about 15 feet away (which is a horse’s sense of personal space). The following day I found him grazing once again about 15 feet from her body. By this time, there was a distinct smell from decomposition. Horses have an incredible sense of smell well beyond human capabilities. Yet, this did not stop Chaco from being in proximity of his friend, Maya. When the rendering truck came the following day to pick up her body (there was no pickup on weekends), Chaco stood and watched once again. The day was dawning, but still had some cover of darkness when Maya’s body left the property.

In Maya’s life and death, Chaco was ever present, never shying away from what was happening. It was a great comfort to me, knowing that he was there 24/7 with Maya these past weeks leading up to her death and afterwards. Wow, Chaco. Thank you for your incredible example of how to navigate life and death, support Maya, and give acknowledgment to the end of her life on earth. She was so lucky to have you as her friend.