Connection Without Touching

The second senior horse I took in, Thunder, did not want to be touched or groomed when he first came.  He had just retired from eight years as a therapy horse, and I think he was done with being touched.

Once a week I brushed him just to check his coat.  Other than that, I didn’t touch him.  To the naked eye, you would think that I didn’t love Thunder.  But the opposite was true.  I cared so much about his long-term well-being that I respected his current need not to be touched.  I figured eventually he would touch me, rather than me touch him.

One morning after I had finished feeding all the horses, I realized I was tired and really wanted to take a nap.  I was about to drive home to do that when I remembered I had a foam camping mat in the trunk of my car.  It was a beautiful day, and I saw Thunder taking a nap under the trees.  I got my foam mat, and headed to the same grove of trees.

So as not to inadvertently put any pressure on Thunder, I  kept my distance and ignored him as I walked by to find a tree off the beaten path for my nap.  As I set up my mat, Thunder left his own napping spot and started walking toward me.  I continued to ignore him, curious to see what he had in mind without any interference from me.  To my surprise, he stopped 15 feet away (10-15 feet is a horse’s sense of personal space).  Facing me, he cocked a hind leg in relaxation and took a nap.

I was honored.

He didn’t want to be touched, but he did want connection.  For months he taught me about all the communication that goes on among horses before they ever physically touch each other.  It was a whole new experience.  Then it dawned on me, this horse that didn’t want to be touched was sharing something far more important with me: his experience of his world.

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Thunder in his grove of trees.

 

Petting Animals

I go for regular walks through the country neighborhood with my horses.  A few times a year we cross paths with a young boy who lives nearby.  He’s fascinated by my horse, Chaco, and wants to pet him.  One particular afternoon I suggest that he approach Chaco at his shoulder, but don’t look directly in his eyes.  (A straight on approach is the move a predator would make.  Prey animals, like horses, feel safer with a less direct approach).  Instead come up alongside him with your eyes looking past him, then see if you can pet his shoulder.

The boy reached out his hand with his eyes averted, and in his exuberance, pet Chaco with short, quick strokes.  I watched Chaco’s eyes, and they were big and held open.  They indicated stress to me.  He was tolerating being touched.

I suggested to the boy to pet slower.  Way slower.  As best as a little boy can, he pet Chaco with his version of slower, which was still fairly quick, and Chaco’s eyes stayed big.  I then suggested he pet Chaco even slower, as if he were a slug.  Slower…  Slower…  Even slower…  How slow can you go and still call it petting?  And then Chaco’s eyes started to change.  He blinked.  His eyes softened.  He no longer held them wide open.  In relaxation, he dropped his head slightly and curled his neck around the boy, breathing on him in acknowledgment.  (Horses breathe into each other nostrils as a greeting).

The boy was thrilled.  Yes, he wanted to pet Chaco, but perhaps more than that, he wanted to connect with this big animal and be seen.  He received more than he expected, and was soon saying goodbye to us and bounding down the road.

Petting animals is so common place as humans, but how often do we read the body language of the animal to see if how we are touching feels good to them?  Watching the eyes is a great first place to start.  Blinking = yes.  Fixed eyes = no.  (Try holding your own eyes open with no blinking for 30 seconds.  It’s stressful).

Learning to read the eyes will open lines of communication between you and your animal friend.  Many times, just moving considerably slower ourselves, and even consciously breathing while touching will bring about a whole new level of understanding.

What is your experience with petting your animals?

The Power of Touch

A few years before I owned my first horse, I came to know him at a therapeutic riding facility.  Over several years his pain level seemed to be increasing.  A colleague and I decided to see if we could find a properly fitting saddle for him, and perhaps that would resolve his pain issues.  I remember gently touching his back on both sides of his spine, looking for where he would pin his ears.  That is where he hurt.  His shoulders were uneven and western saddles tended to pinch them.  He made it clear he did not like being touched on his shoulders.  If I touched his shoulders, he pinned his ears.  By the end of the afternoon we found an English saddle that seemed to steer clear of his shoulder pain.

Every time I exercised him I first checked his back for pain.  I watched his eyes and ears for communication from him as I slowly ran my fingers along his back.  As I did this routine more and more, I began to see another pattern developing.  There were places I touched where he would relax and close his eyes.  Fascinated by this response I was soon looking for the places where he wanted to be touched, rather than the places that caused him pain.

After a few months of this new discovery, I started experimenting with my own thoughts as I touched him.  One afternoon I put my hands on him, and in my head I expressed my appreciation of him.  As I consciously said in my head how much I appreciated him, he relaxed and closed his eyes right in time with my thought.  I knew horses could read people inside and out, but this was the first time I experienced a purposeful thought in my head and his corresponding response, all in silence.  Fascinated again, I spent many afternoons just experimenting with positive thoughts in my head and observing his response.

Several years later, I came upon a type of body work for horses that is similar to massage called the Masterson Method, where the horse directs the human on where and how to touch.  I realized I had learned many of the basic Masterson Method techniques by accident from my horse.  Not only does this type of body work help the horse physically, it also increases the bond between horse and human.

For more information, check out www.MastersonMethod.com.

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My first horse getting one of his many massages.

In the photo above, notice that his ears are slightly back, which means I don’t have quite the right touch or place he wants my hands.  I can try many things in my own body to change this:  breathe, change the thoughts in my head, decrease the level of touch, or move a few millimeters to a new location.  His ears will tell me when I get it right.  Try it with your own horse.  The horse will let you know when you’ve found the spot.

Notice his ears in this photo.  My sister gets it just right.
Notice his ears in this photo. My sister gets it just right.